Deck the Halls With Matt's Balls
by Redbird O'Howe
Summary: Christmastime spin-off of, A Cruel Twist of Fate. I had a funny idea of how they'd spend Christmas. No Sam, Dean or Castiel.:( But lots of madness, drugging, and kidnapping ensues, but we all know what Aubrey is like!;)One-shot, AU. Bamon,Stelena,Mage.:)


**This is a Christmas time spin off of, ****_A Cruel Twist of Fate._**** I couldn't think of a way to fit it into the actual story, but I really wanted to do a Christmas thing for it. But I didn't add Sam, Dean, or Castiel.:( But hopefully, Matt's suffering will make up for it, SALTS! (Smiled a little then stopped. It's more accurate than lol, haha!:)) Enjoy!**

It was Christmastime and all throughout Portland, people were giving gifts of drugs and sex. What a beautiful time of year.

Bonnie and Damon sat around a cozy fire with Elena, Stefan, Meredith, Sage, Matt, Aubrey, and all the children except for Alexxa. She was out at the moment and sadly, Dean, Sam, and Castiel had to go on a last minute hunt.

They were all snuggled up, yes, even Aubrey but only because Matt had snuck her a few tranquilizers in her coffee when she wasn't looking, and they were listening to Christmas songs. Bonnie and Damon gazed at the sparkling tree they had just finished putting up. It was covered in tinsel and red and gold ornaments.

"It's beautiful, don't you think?" Bonnie asked Damon.

"Of course it is, just like you."

Aubrey was petting Matt's chest while humming, Oh Christmastree.

"God, how many drugs did you give her?" Stefan asked.

"Well I wasn't sure how many she'd need to put her down so I just kind of dumped the whole bottle in."

"How many more bottles do you have?" Stefan asked with a hopeful look on his face, but before Matt could answer, Alexxa came through the door.

She slammed it shut behind her and walked into the room. "I swear to god, if I have to hear one more Christmas carol, I'm going to kill someone!" She shouted.

"Hummmbug..." Aubrey trailed off. She was gone and everyone knew it.

Damon held back a chuckle and looked at Alexxa. "What's your problem? Even I can't help but be merry at Christmas time."

"I'm sick of everyone trying to shove joy and happiness down my throat. Oh yes, let's all be happy that two days ago, three people were murdered in a shooting at the mall. (AN: True story, RIP-.-) Really? What a joyous occasion!"

"Wow, since when do you care if people get hurt?" Bonnie asked her.

"I don't." She replied with a murderous glare.

"Speaking of Christmas, what do you want?" Damon asked.

"A mermacorn."

"What the hell is a mermacorn?"

"It's a mix between a mermaid and a unicorn. They're majestic creatures."

"How about you give me something REAL to get you."

She thought about it for a moment and gasped. "Oh my god, oh my god!"

"Oh my god, what is it?" Damon mimicked.

"I want Harry Styles for Christmas!" Then she gave off a loud fangirl screech.

"Who the fuck is Harry Styles and why do you want him?"

"Oh my god, he's only the hottest guy in the world, ever an-"

"I'm pretty sure I'm sitting right in front of you." Damon said with a smug smirk.

"Eww, not even. You're like a million years old."

His smirk fell. "Please I only look 21."

"It's still gross! And Harry has the cutest little accent. Niall's is amazing too, but so is Louis', and Liam- Scratch Harry, I want all of One Direction for Christmas!" She said with a giant smile on her face.

Damon groaned. This was going to be a long December.

oOo

It was towards the middle of the month and Alexxa still had a Scroogey attitude towards all of the festivities currently happening throughout the house.

Bonnie was fixing dinner when Damon came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Bonnie was about to ask what he was doing when he pointed towards the ceiling. Mistletoe.

They leaned in and kissed each other. It started off slow and sweet and began to escalate. Bonnie ran her fingers through Damon's hair while her pulled her closer to his body. The timer she had going went off, but neither of them realized it for they were too far gone. They were getting swallowed with no escape. Until they heard the door behind them.

"Bleckk, gross! Does someone have a knife so I can kill myself!" Alexxa shouted. Damon smirked.

"I hope you know that you look like a child molester when you make that face. There's a park down the street." She said with a smirk of her own.

"What is it that you wanted, sweetie?" Bonnie asked when she could see that they were getting no where.

"Well, I came in to tell you that Austen was coming over and then I went blind so, ya know."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "I like Austen, he's a sweet boy."

Damon growled. "Who's Austen?"

"You can't really describe him, he's just Austen."

"Nope. No, no, no, and no. There will be no boys coming over, ever!"

"Oh my god, why? I can take care of myself. I AM your daughter after all."

"I know and that's what worries me. If you're anything like what I was when I was your age..." He trailed off, not needing to finish.

Bonnie put her hand on his arm. "Don't worry about it. He's a nice boy."

The doorbell rang and Alexxa walked off to answer it. Damon followed closely behind, wanting to meet this boy.

"Hey Austen!" She said, cheerily.

"Hey Lexxa, and hello. You must me Alexxa's dad. You two look alot alike."

"Don't remind me." Alexxa groaned.

"She's just lucky, I guess. You can call me Mr. Salvatore and if you call me anything else, I'll kill you, got it?"

"Umm-"

"If you touch my daughter, I'll kill you, if you touch anything that belongs to me, I'll kill you and if you annoy me, I'll kill. There's a very good chance you won't make it out of this house alive so if you want to leave now, I'll understand."

"Shut up! Austen, don't listen to him. I swear, he's on crack."

"Well then, the two of you can stay down here."

"No, we have to go up to my room to study."

"Oh yeah, "study". I've pulled that trick before and it's not going to work. You can study down here."

"Ughh, fine, whatever!"

oOo

"I don't like that Austen boy."

"Would you relax Damon? He's a nice kid and there's nothing to worry about. They've been dating for two years and he hasn't pulled anything yet."

"Dating?! Why didn't you tell me she was dating?!"

"Because I knew you'd act like this. Now if you don't mind, I have some laundry to do." Bonnie began walking up the stairs. She got to Alexxa's room and starting picking up dirty clothes. Damon was still right behind her.

"I don't get why you're so worried."

"Well, if I remember right, we started sleeping together when you were what? 19? And I started sleeping around when I was 16. She's 15 and we both agree that she's alot more like me than she is like you."

"So you're saying it's bad that we slept together?"

"No, I'm saying you're lucky that it was with someone like me. I don't want her with some douchebag."

Bonnie stepped closer to him and put her hands on his chest. "Would you stop worrying. He's a nice boy." She pushed him back slightly and he wrapped his arms around her as they fell back on the bed. Their light kisses became more passionate and intense. Bonnie slowly lifted his shirt his head.

"Oh my god! Really?! In my room?!" Alexxa shouted from the doorway. "What's wrong with you? That's fucking gross! And you guys are too old to be doing it! I came in to get my math book because I'm such a good person and I'm working my ass off and what do I find? Oh my god!"

She walked out and slammed the door leaving Damon and Bonnie alone.

"Well, that was sufficiently awkward." Damon broke the silence.

"Yeah, we should probably go."

Bonnie was beat red. They were just staring at each other. This was more intense.

"I love you." Damon told her.

"I love you to." Bonnie responded and they continued staring at each other in what was a very sweet moment. Neither one wanted it to end.

The door slowly creaked back open and Alexxa started tip-toeing in.

"I forgot my calculator." She announced and slowly closed the door behind her once she was out of the room.

The moment was ruined...

oOo

Damon and Bonnie walked back downstairs. Alexxa was practically sitting on Austen's lap. Damon growled and Bonnie put her arm on his shoulder. She walked back into the kitchen while Damon watched TV. During that time, the rest of the gang had gone into the living room and sat down as well. When Bonnie came in, Austen stood up.

He got down on one knee in front of Alexxa.

"Alexxa, I know we've only been together for two years, but I know I love you." He reached into his pocket and Meredith, Bonnie, and Elena gasped. Aubrey started gagging.

"I know we're only 15, but think of this as a long-term engagement ring, and we'll get married when we turn 18. So, in a few years, will you marry me?"

That was it, Damon was going to rip his head off.

Alexxa started chuckling slightly before she burst out laughing. Austen gave her a quizzical look.

"Hell no! And when did we start dating? I thought we were just messing around?"

Damon shot up and grabbed his neck. Aubrey was laughing hysterically.

"I remember when you proposed Matty. I broke your dick. You know, I'm surprised it still works."

In the midst of all the reminiscence, Bonnie and Stefan were trying to pry Damon off of Austen who was turning purple.

"ENOUGH!" Alexxa shouted and everyone flew back and hit the wall. Her eyes were black. Then they all just dropped.

"Murrrry Chrimbus." She said with an overdone, and exhausted smile before she passed out.

oOo

"Wake up Alexxa, wake up, wake up! It's Christmas!" Paul and Joseph shouted as they jumped up and down on her bed. She had to admit that they were pretty cute. Meredith came in and got them down.

"Come on you two. She'll wake up soon enough."

"But if she doesn't wake up now, Uncle Damon's present to her will die."

What the fuck?

She got up as Meredith smiled at her. "Hey, sweetie. Get dressed and come downstairs so you can open your presents."

She came down the stairs 15 minutes later in her monkey pajamas.

"So, what did you get me?" Matt asked with a cheeky smile.

"You're getting it right now." Aubrey replied.

"What are you talking about."

"I'm giving you 24 hours where I won't kick your ass."

"Oh yeah? Well your present is over there, in the closet." He had a mischievous smirk spread across his face.

She got up and gave off a blood curdling screech. It was filled with multi-color balloons. She was deathly afraid of balloons. She turned back to Matt.

"I swear to god, at 12:01, you won't have a dick anymore, but then again, you won't be missing that much, will you?" Matt turned red.

"You know that's not true!" He stomped off, up the stairs followed by Aubrey.

"Okay, Alexxa. Open your's now." Elena told her with a smile.

Stefan handed her one from both of them. It was the new Marc Jacobs bag she wanted.

"Omg, it's perfect! Thank you."

Bonnie gave her $500. Damon stood up and walked out. He came back in with five wriggling body bags with bow ties around the waist.

She gave him a crazy look and he stared at her with a smile.

"Well, go ahead. Open it."

"Umm, okaayy..."

She got up and slowly unzipped the first one from the bottom up. When she reached the top, she screamed.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S HARRY FUCKING STYLES!"

She went through the other ones to find Niall, Louis, Liam, and Zayn.

She was screaming bloody murder and couldn't stop. The boys had all huddled into the corner.

"Umm, where are we? What are we doing here? Oh god, are we going to die?"

"BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!"

**Woo hoo! I can only hope mine will be as awesome!;) Haha, and while you're here, I was thinking about making a series of Matt and Aubrey's relationship, like earlier on, kinda like a prequel so you can see how they came together. I still have to show you how they got together in the first place in the next chapter of the actual story. It's so much fun writing for them!:D So, please review if you wanna! And thanx fer reading!**


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